Meet the Latcons by David Mills

Meet the Latcons

The Long and the Short of Latitudinarian Conservatives

by David Mills

As the Los Angeles Raiders’s Napoleon McCallum planted his right leg to cut towards the line, a lineman drove down into his shin. His thigh snapped forward 90 degrees, tearing apart the tendons and vessels in his knee. He was carried to the bench, where he almost died, because bodies are made to bend, but only in certain places and only so far.

A body must bend, and bend a great deal, to move at all. An unbending body is a corpse, or about to become one. But a body that is bent too far breaks, especially when it is hit too hard, or hit in the wrong places. Even when it does not break, a body that is bent too far too often will be slower and clumsier than it should be, unable to dodge tackles or outrun pursuit, too crippled . . .