Bishop-Bots
by S. M. Hutchens
When I told a friend I expected the next archbishop of Canterbury to be a woman (and given the state of his church, why the hell not?), he responded that he expected the next incumbent to be a bishop-bot. Actually, not a bad idea.
I look forward to the bishop-bot, the robo-pope, the minister- and priest-bots as steps forward in a generally bad situation, for surely artificial intelligence is better than corrupted intelligence, and—by architectural necessity for such a wonderful program—would provide the constraint of a teleological algorithm requiring, in all pastoral sentences, attention to history, suppression of subjective meanderings or popular notions as bases for church doctrine and practice, and a reasonable biblical connection. Now, granted, that would destroy much of Christianity as it is known, but what is left over from the operation, having undergone a winnowing at the hands of Reason, would now be useful for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness, against the influence of weak women burdened with sins and swayed by various impulses, and men of corrupt mind and counterfeit faith who oppose the truth.
Even an artificial intelligence could not tolerate the operations of many church doges and panjandrums we know, nor could it, with its programmed cognizance of history and doctrine, affirm, for example, things like pseudo-marriage or women’s ordination.
How much clamor about the nonsense promoted by so many church grandees is not even insistence they change their ideas, but only a plea that they begin thinking reasonably? A mechanical Puritan with a streak of the Inquisition might help the process along.
S. M. Hutchens is a senior editor and longtime writer for Touchstone.
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