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Of Myths & Men by Robert Hart
Of Myths & Men
Robert Hart on How the George Washington Story Got Started
An archeological find from the future is rare. I don’t know how, but
one day, pages 343 and 344 of a book called The
Washington Myth, apparently written in the fortieth century, appeared
on my desk. The middle of the first page is damaged, and we can only read
the top and bottom and a footnote. The second page is intact and contains
a footnote also, of which we do not have the ending, as it appears to have
been continued on the next page.
The Deity Washington
We begin with the first excerpt from page 343, in the middle of a sentence:
. . . theory, that George Washington was not regarded as an actual deity
by the ancient Americans, but only as their patriarch, is, we admit, plausible
at first glance. Perhaps his ability to sprout wooden teeth, mentioned
in many but not all ancient sources, developed from a story that originally
no supernatural element: however, this theory is thinly supported, and
must be weighed against the almost certain consensus that the story was,
first, a tale about Washington’s divine or magical powers.
The assertion that ancient Americans were Monotheists and would not be
inclined to worship a god like Washington overlooks the presence of Chinese
who, building the massive railroads in the nineteenth century which connected
the whole country, would have been the most important cultural influence
in the spread of the American nation. They would have brought ancestor worship
into the American experience, transforming George Washington’s patriarchal
status into divinity.
The second excerpt from page 343 begins about halfway down the page:
. . . and so it is clear that a multi-ethnic nation, needing to have a psychological
and spiritual oneness, first created the myth of a common ancestor, as the
Romans had believed in Romulus and Remus. The creation of George Washington,
no doubt a synthesis of various legends (the most important of which we shall
mention), met a great need for a national patriarch for a new nation with no
natural source of common identity. Later, the influence of the dominant oriental
culture led to the worship of this ancestor as father of the country.
Although we do not doubt that George Washington was real as a felt force
for unity and a sense of national identity—a reality possessing
great spiritual power—it is nonetheless certain, because it is agreed
upon by scholars , that George Washington did not actually exist,
nor did he need to exist, as a real man in history.
The footnote reads:
Regarding the subject of Washington as a real patriarch to the mind of
the ancient Americans, and not a merely symbolic one, much extensive research
by the Austrian scholar, Barbara Teehrignen (in Das Wahramericanischergeschictegrossbuch, published
in 3907) reveals an obelisk to Washington’s honor in the Capital
city named for him. The meaning of the obelisk is clear, as the male organ
was so revered that whole communities called themselves ‘Penal colonies,’ no
doubt to invoke the blessing of fertility. The symbolic connection with the
idea of Washington as “the father of our country” is clear.
The Real George
On to the next page:
In order to find the root of the George Washington myth, we need to look
across the ocean, from America to England, the ancestral home of the colonists
of the first 13 states. There we see that the king against whom they rebelled
was named George. It helps to be aware of an old English phrase, ‘The
Real George.’ It refers, ultimately, to the legendary Saint George
who slew a dragon.
Consider first the dragon, a word that was used in an altered form by the
British military when fighting against the American rebels, Dragoon.
(Those soldiers would later be called by Americans “the Goons,” or “the
Goon squad,” first used by a man now known to have been a real historical
figure, a Naval hero named Popeye. He was also noted for the creation of
some stimulant containing spinach and olive oil).
The Dragoons, being defeated by the American army and various state militias,
must have come to symbolize the country over which the Americans triumphed,
as “the Real George” symbolized America. Thus, the idea that
their George, that is, the Real George, slew the dragon began as a slang
that came to be taken literally as the memory of the real events was lost.
Washington is a name that comes also, no doubt, from the idea of the Real
George, the symbol of the American fighters, washing or cleansing the land
of the British enemy. When the Capital city was later built, the use of “ton”—commonly
used in England and America as a short version of “town”—was
added to the word, making it Washing Town, or Washington. The original “washing” was
owed to this Real George (as opposed to the less than real George of England)
who slew the Dragoons or the dragon, cleansing the land of oppression and
enmity. So went the myth.
In the Washington Studies Seminar, which still meets regularly, some of
my colleagues have objected that the many records about the President of
Convention, “first President,” and General all rolled into one,
purport to be eyewitness accounts. Here we must consider that these have
become, for purposes of our consideration, hearsay evidence.
That is, they are set forth as eyewitness accounts, but by the time they
were transmitted to us (which is the key point for the professional scholar
of American Mythology) they became mere hearsay. The earliest copies we have
date from several decades after the events described, other than some documents
whose authenticity cannot be verified, but which so exactly express the Washington
myth as we have come to understand it, that we are safe in treating them as
examples of the ideological development of a culturally necessary mythology.
As such, their evidentiary value is greatly diminished.
The problem also remains of tracing the origins that led to the myth of George
Washington, since scholars have come to believe that what we really have is
four separate traditions that later came together as one.17 The four traditions
are the agricultural, the military, and the two political traditions. In these
various traditions, George Washington is a Plantation Owner in Northern Virginia,
the Army General, the President of the Constitutional Convention, and the President
of the United States.
Although it is possible (though highly unlikely) that one man, in his lifetime,
may have fulfilled all of these roles, it seems much more plausible that a
combination of legends about different heroes in ancient America were combined
over a long period of time in the already dominant myth of George Washington.
Finally the incomplete footnote from the second page:
The military version of the myth is further complicated by recent discoveries
of lost texts. In these, George Washington appears as an officer fighting under
British command instead of fighting against the British. In this version, the
entire war is completely different, apparently one of defense against an invading
coalition from France and India. Could it be that these texts were seen as
an embarrassment and challenge to American orthodoxy? If so, it is small wonder
that they were concealed deliberately rather than allowing the risk. . . .
That is all that we have from this future work. I was forced to rethink everything
I had ever learned about American history.